Death and Douchebags

Bellinghamlet
The legend begins

Welcome to the idyllic seaside hilltown of Bellinghamlet, home of the third most prestigius university in the land. It is here, far away from the bustling city or the harsh desert, where those who enjoy a quieter life come to study and grow wise. Or it’s the only place that accepted you. Either way, you’re here to learn. However, learning costs money; money most do not have. What is a yearning young student to do? For most, this means a part-time job: many choose to serve food or tend bar at local inns, while others still become janitors or apprentices to the Tech Smiths. There are a few, however, who choose a more dangerous route; these hapless fools become adventurers, questing to pay off their student loans and afford their rent. It is easy to spot a student Adventurer: unkempt hair, weapons constantly at their side, and a wild gaze. Normal students tend to avoid Adventurers, lest they catch a wayward curse or a befouling stench.

You are some of those Adventurers. You live together, on the outskirts of town, leasing a house from the only landlord that would take you: the angel of death itself. Death usually lets you keep to yourself, but your late rent payments have caused it to involve itself in your life. When raiding caves full of skeletons doesn’t bring in enough cash, Death will issue dangerous quests in lieu of charging rent for the month. These quests usually range from the epically life-threatening to the suspiciously mundane; a lot of the times they’re one then the other.

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Episode 1
All Shaken Down

From the desk of: Tyler the Ranger/Bard

“It appears that my roommates had quite the…productive day. From what they told me, they woke up hungover in the Shakethdown (a local tavern) after a party we put on for our landlord (the ”/characters/death" class=“wiki-content-link”>Angel of Death). I, having rehearsal, was unable to help them repay the owner for the damages caused the night before, which included killing rats in the cellar and retrieving an order from the Liquor Smith. They told me that they also met our friend Raez at a crime scene (something about a murderous rampage, I wasn’t really listening), and also seeing a strange looking Tiefling at the Liquor Smithy. It was around this time when I heard a commotion going on in Red Square on campus. I went to investigate, and was shocked to see floating swords attacking people of their own accord! The swords made short work of other so-called adventurers (like the Humanoids vs. Zombies club; I guess they should have stuck with the undead), but I came prepared with a trusty sword of my own. I immediately called up my roommates, who sped to the scene as fast as they could. Together we destroyed the assailing swords, and went home without so much as a “thank you” from the people we saved. Oh well.

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Episode 2
Radical Highway

From the gilded desk of Riley the Paladin:

“I was in the middle of a deep sleep, recovering from the exhaustion of the day’s adventure, when the entire house was rudely awakened by our panicked dwarf friend Jacob kicking the door down. It appears he had run afoul of a xenophobic band of fellow paladins with poor people skills and a ridiculously pretentious guild name. It’s because of groups like this that I chose to become a non-denominational Paladin.

“Shortly after driving them off, our [[:death | landlord] arrived to offer us a quest to pay off this month’s rent. An evil sorcerer named ”/characters/romul" class=“wiki-content-link”>Romul was said to be transporting three trucks full of less-than-legal cargo across the highway, headed for the border. If he was to make it to the Frozen North, we would not be able to pursue him without lengthy cooperation and paperwork with the Bearomancers and Maple Elves of the Frozen Northern Guild. Since we had spent most of the Weedhaus coffers on recent celebrations, we took the quest.

“In the morning, we intercepted the trucks, and a great battle ensured with Romul’s legion of kobolds. It was a violent, chaotic fight that spanned an entire stretch of the highway; I ended up losing my trident (which I later found mysteriously imbedded in Death’s car), Alex ended up in the driver’s seat of one of the trucks, and I don’t even know what happened to Charlie. When we finally confronted Romul, a series of events transpired that I can only describe as purely religious and righteous. Miniguns were ripped out of their sockets, and entire trucks were obliterated. Even with these miraculous events on our side, the mysterious sorcerer seemed to be gaining the upper hand. Suddenly, we were saved by a mysterious rider who crushed an amulet hanging around Romul’s neck and disappeared as quickly as he appeared. Romul instantly became complacent and cooperative with us; apparently that amulet was controlling Romul’s actions, until it was destroyed by the mystery man we would later know to be the Bullet Mage, hunter of rouge sorcerers.

“Before we could interrogate him further, the truck we were all riding on was run off the road, and we were confronted by another wizard, accompanied by a multitude of flying weapons. Could this have been the man responsible for the attack on campus the other day?

“We were all struggling viciously against this new foe, but suddenly I blacked out for a moment. I felt warm and bright, and somewhere I thought I heard a voice spitting lyrical fire. When I came to, Romul was gone, Charlie was unconscious, and the sorcerer was lying on the ground, split in two, as if struck by a bass so loud that it shakes the place. Upon inspection of the body, I found what appeared to be a set of dog tags, and an amulet similar to the one Romul had when he was brainwashed.

“Oh dear sweet Busta Rhymes. What have I done?”

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